The danger of figs

Mistakes are something anyone learning a new language must get used to... because they will happen a lot. And always in the worst way.

Take, for example, the unfortunate day when I decided to brush up on my fruit vocabulary at the dinner table with AmoreMio's family. His father was helping me name various items in the fruit bowl when I delved, rather recklessly, into the realm of figs. 

The only context in which the word had formerly been used was when we spoke of Indian Figs, the large cactus’s of which litter the Sicilian countryside. In Italian they are known as fichi d’India. 

I had never seen this written though and when spoken the words kind of slur together. So in my misjudged attempt to logically create the word “fig” from fichi d’India I blurted out Fica.

Realization of my mistake came an entire second too late.

Having learned much of my conversational vocabulary on the university campus in Bologna, I am familiar with a number of parolacce, or "curse words". Meaning that I was already aware of a certain word that was dangerously close to fig. 


One involving female genitalia. 


Crudely. 

Caught up as I was in deciphering the singulars and plurals of gender-specific fruit however, I had failed to notice that I was wading into perilous waters. 

Luckily, AmoreMio's family seems to understand that such errori are made in all innocence, and they are generally very good about correcting me without drawing too much attention to the gravity of my mistakes. 

So, other than a slight widening of his eyes, Carmelo did nothing to betray the true meaning of my blunder. 

"Fic-O" he said, eyes still wide, emphasizing the masculine ending, "You mean ficO".

Uh, yeah. That's the one.

Merda.